


Bathtubs and Ballrooms

by fishnet_frenchy



Category: Miss Fisher and the Crypt of Tears (2020), Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Ballroom Dancing, Bathtubs, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Marriage Proposal, Mutual Pining, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27149860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishnet_frenchy/pseuds/fishnet_frenchy
Summary: Content Warning: References to violence, murder and masturbation.What Phryne needed more than anything was a bath.After nearly being suffocated to death in a men’s wrestling club locker room, one’s priorities become very, very clear.
Relationships: Hugh Collins/Dorothy "Dot" Williams, Phryne Fisher & Jack Robinson, Phryne Fisher/Jack Robinson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 80





	Bathtubs and Ballrooms

What Phryne needed more than anything was a bath.

After nearly being suffocated to death in a men’s wrestling club locker room, one’s priorities become very, very clear.

“Dot?” She called from the foyer, tossing off her hat and coat. She pried off the heels that had been digging into her ankle bones for the last six hours.

Dot appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking flushed, wiping wet hands on her apron. 

“Are you alright Miss? Hugh just called. He said you were nearly killed - again!”

“All in a day’s work, Dot” Phyrne said wryly, and began rolling down her stockings.

Dot winced delicately - still not quite used to her employer’s chipper attitude towards near-death-experiences nor her habit of undressing in the hallway. She squeezed Phryne’s shoulder consolingly before picking up her discarded shoes and garter belt.

“Now Dot, I don’t have much before the Governor’s Ball. Be a dear and make me up a quick plate of something to eat? I’m going to take a bath.”

“Would you like me to draw it for you Miss Fisher?”

“Nonsense - I much prefer to draw it up myself. And besides, I’m sure you’d like to keep an eye on that special dinner you’re making.”

Dot blushed and smiled, “I’m making roast beef, scalloped potatoes and rhubarb pie.”

Phyrne nudged Dot back towards the kitchen with a smile, and padded barefoot behind her, “Hugh is a lucky, lucky man.”

With a charcuterie plate in one hand, and a large glass of sauvignon blanc in the other, Phryne ascended the stairs towards the master suite.

The design of the bathroom had been done under her watch as proprietor and was exactly to her liking. High ceilings, marble floors, a westward skylight that perfectly caught the golden hour, and of course, a massive sunken bathtub.

The sight of it, and the delicious quiet that descended after she’d shut the door, made her finally let out a deep, contented sigh of relief. No interruptions, no gunfire. She was alone.

It had been a stressful day - a stressful week as a matter of fact. A series of mysterious “accidental” deaths at the local wrestling club led to, among other things, two particularly strenuous car chases, Jack fighting undercover in a rigged wrestling match, and her almost-strangling in the locker room at the hands of a disgruntled mob boss; all of which culminated in 16 arrests, 2 hospitalizations and very little time for her to unwind before the Governor’s Ball. 

Normally, if she was too tired after a long week of near-fatal encounters to bother putting on formal wear, she’d just stay home to listen to the radio dramas with Dot and Mr. Butler. But tonight was different. Jack had practically begged her to let him be her escort (which was entertaining enough to be worth it), but more importantly, it was Dot and Hugh’s anniversary. And Phyrne wanted to give Dot a proper night off, and a night with the house to herself.

And, as much as Phyrne enjoyed seeing Jack beg, she knew it was for a higher purpose too. Jack needed help to butter up the Governor - and this was a golden opportunity. Governor Wayland was known to be a bit of a party hound when off-duty. Apparently he had found the Inspector quite stuffy and boring upon first meeting and Jack was desperate to change his mind - especially when it meant more funds being allocated to the police department at the upcoming budget meeting. In short, they needed to get chummy, and Jack had determined Phyrne’s company was his best chance to woo him.

Phyne smirked in spite of herself. He isn’t wrong.

Though she was terribly exhausted, she was determined to make the most of her chance to relax and be back in top, charming form by the time the Inspector came to escort her. Maybe she’d even be in the mood to dance a little.

By the time her hair was washed and pinned, and she’d eaten, the bath was filled to the brim. Phryne slipped off her robe and sunk into the tub. The bubbles went nearly up to her neck, and she inhaled the rich smell of lavender and jasmine. Heavenly. 

Finally free from the stench of blood, sweat and gym socks, she could almost picture enjoying herself tonight. It was a black tie affair, after all, and she’d never seen Jack in a tuxedo. That was something to look forward to. Not that she could imagine him looking anywhere near as devastating as he’d looked in the wrestling match - dripping with sweat, and in nothing but those tight, black shorts….Even his split lip and bruises after the match went awry made him look devilishly handsome.

Phryne’s eyes fluttered shut, warmth from the water and the wine and thoughts of Jack spreading from her forehead down to her toes. Her hands slipped under the water and between her legs, and she let herself indulge herself in the memory…she needed to relax, after all.

At 8 o’clock on the dot, Jack rapped sharply on the door of Miss Fisher’s estate, and shifted nervously in his shoes. There were few things that brought him more unique dread than the idea of escorting Miss Fisher to the Governor’s Ball, other than having to kiss up to the Governor himself. He hated having to rely on Phyrne’s social connections - especially for something so personal. And worst of all, he hated knowing that she was surely the best chance he had at getting the Governor’s attention long enough to make an impression - because she was so utterly beautiful and charming. 

Mister Butler opened the door, and graciously ushered him inside. “Good evening Inspector. I don’t believe Miss Fisher is quite ready yet. Shall I make you a drink?”

“Yes, good. Thank you, Mr. Butler” Jack stammered slightly, and followed him into the parlor. As Mr. Butler took his hat and coat, Jack couldn’t help but notice the lack of Miss Fisher’s usual footfalls upstairs, nor any music on her phonograph. Strange. After several awkward attempts to remove his gloves from unusually sweaty hands, Mr. Butler handed him a glass, which he downed much faster than was appropriate. He’d scarcely opened his mouth to ask him what might be keeping Miss Fisher - when a muffled scream echoed from the second floor. 

Without hesitation, the Inspector thrust the glass back into Mr. Butler’s hands and bounded up the stairs. He could hear Ms. Fisher calling his name from somewhere in her bedroom, “Jack! Oh, Jack!” Her bedroom was empty - as was the study. Without thinking he flung open the door to the powder room, his mind racing with violent images of kidnappers, burglars -  
Instead he clapped eyes on Miss Fisher, stark naked and flushed in her nearly-empty bathtub. 

She yelped in shock, and quickly he dove behind her dressing screen, covering his eyes.  
“Oh, good, Inspector” She managed to eek out, hoarsely “I thought I saw a spider.”

He spluttered, dumbstruck, “How did you know I was here?”

She ignored him, “I think it’s gone. As you can see I’m running a little behind schedule. Would you excuse me?” 

“Oh, god, uh, sorry, uh, yes” He stuttered out, and nearly tripped on her fur-covered vanity stool as he made his way towards the door, his face bright red.  
Phryne sank back into the tub, feeling her face already hot with color, her heart racing from the shock (among other things). 

Curse his obsessive punctuality, and curse his chivalry, she thought. And curse his ass in those trousers.

After assuring Dot and Mr. Butler that everything was fine, Jack poured himself another drink and slumped into an armchair by the window, rubbing his temples. This evening was already off to a dangerous start. He could hardly keep himself in check with Phryne around as it was - always flirting with him (and everyone else), wearing the latest fashions to crime scenes and sitting on his desk, her long legs just inches away from his hands that ached to touch them. But now, he had the image of her in that bathtub burned in his memory, the sound of her calling his name ringing in his ears, and still a whole evening on her arm to survive ahead. 

The doorbell rang, and Mr. Butler answered it. It was Hugh, rosy-cheeked and holding a bouquet of daisies in his hand.  
“The Inspector is in the parlor if you’d like to say hello” Jack heard Mr. Butler say. 

“Oh!” Hugh squeaked, and Jack grimaced. They should have already been on their way to the Ball, leaving the house to Hugh and Dot.

“‘Hello Inspector” Hugh said, appearing sheepishly in the doorway. 

“Ms. Fisher is...running behind” Jack said thickly.

“Ah” Hugh said, awkwardly. 

Silence. 

“Alright, don’t just stand there on my account” Jack snapped, “Go see your sweetheart.”

“Good Night Inspector” Hugh said with puppy-like enthusiasm and bounded into the kitchen. Jack heard the faint murmured greetings between the young lovers and took another long drink.  
“Alright, Jack, come on now, we have a party to get to!” Phyrne’s voice called out.

He scrambled up from the armchair and nearly smacked into the doorframe at the sight of her. You’d never know 20 minutes before she’d still been in the bath.  
She was sheer perfection. Her black beaded gown glistening in the candle light, her shoulders glowed, smooth and bare, her lips immaculately painted in a dark, wine red…

“Miss Fisher” He said, bowing his head - avoiding her gaze. 

“Inspector” She said, composedly.

Without hesitation, she took his arm and led him down the hallway towards the door. As Mr. Butler helped them into their coats and hats, Ms. Fisher peeked her head into the kitchen.

“Dot, Hugh, we’re off. Have a lovely evening together and don’t wait up” She winked.

“Goodnight Miss Fisher!” They chorused back cheerfully.

“Mr. Butler” She whispered, conspiratorially, “I expect you to keep an eye on them and make sure Hugh doesn’t leave until at least 11 o’clock”  
A quiet, scandalized gasp came from inside the kitchen, and then hushed whispers, and Phryne grinned cheekily at Jack. 

“Shall we?”

He swallowed, and nodded.

The car ride was painfully quiet. Phryne scowled at Jack’s pale, grimacing face in the dark. Leave it to the Inspector to find a way to suffer after seeing her naked. 

“For heaven’s sake Inspector, you’re acting like you’ve never seen a naked woman before”

Jack choked out a gasping cough. Bert snorted loudly from the driver's seat. 

“Quiet, Bert.” Phyrne warned. 

“Now Jack, you’ll never make a good impression on Governor Wayland if you’re shaking like a leaf. Let’s just pretend this whole incident never happened. I promise not to tease you about it if you genuinely try to enjoy yourself tonight.”

After a moment, Jack conceded, “I will do my best, Miss Fisher.”

“Good. Now, you’d think since you’re comfortable bursting into my boudoir, you might finally call me Phyrne.”

“Don’t push your luck, Miss Fisher”

A long line of cars signaled the path towards the Governor’s estate. Even through the trees that covered the grounds, the twinkling of electric lights and candles beckoned, the sounds of music and laughter echoing down the drive.

Once they’d come to a stop, Jack opened the car door for Phyrne and helped her out onto the front steps. For a moment, he hesitated.

“Are you ready, Jack?” She said.

“As I’ll ever be, I suppose” He sighed, squinting into the bright, bustling ballroom. 

“Well, come on then” She said with a wicked grin and brushed off the brim of his top hat. Without another thought, he followed her into the crowd.

It was as delightful and as devastating as he’d imagined to have Phryne on his arm. He couldn’t help but notice the way every eye in the crowd was drawn to her - when he wasn’t busy staring at her himself. His chest tightened at the thought of what it would be like to walk through a party knowing with perfect certainty that she really was his. Not “his” his - Miss Fisher would never be anyone’s property. But to truly have her heart. To know at the end of the night, she would be in his arms, with the promise of forever on her lips. 

Despite his inner turmoil threatening to burst, Jack did his best to relax and rise to the occasion. He treated every interaction, every introduction Phryne made as a calisthenic exercise, strengthening his limited social graces for the Governor. Phyrne even seemed impressed as he managed to charm her seemingly endless parade of acquaintances. 

Once they’d made the rounds in the main ballroom, Jack was exhausted. 

“A drink, perhaps, Miss Fisher?” 

“Yes, we have to keep those vocal chords well lubricated, don’t we” She said wryly, adjusting his bow tie. Jack’s breath caught at her touch but she didn’t seem to notice. 

“I think I need something a bit stronger than water” He muttered, “Champagne?” 

“Sounds lovely” She said, and he scanned the crowd for the nearest roving waiter carrying a platter.

He’d scarcely managed two sips of his champagne before Phyrne suddenly clutched his arm. 

“Ahah! There’s Governor Wayland now! Twelve o’clock”

Clear across the ballroom, on the other side of the dance floor, was the Governor himself, ruddy cheeked and decorated in his finest regalia, smoking a fat cigar. He was surrounded by a large number of hangers-on who burst into boisterous laughter whenever he made a joke.

“Let’s dance, Jack” Miss Fisher said, thrusting her champagne onto a passing platter, “We’ll see if we can’t catch his eye.”

“I think you overestimate my dancing ability, Miss Fisher” Jack said dryly. 

“Leave the fancy footwork to me, Jack” She said, and extended her hand. 

Luckily, it was a slow song. Not a waltz, which he would have preferred, but thankfully nothing too bouncy, like a Charleston. He wanted to keep some shred of his dignity. 

She smoothly steered him across the floor towards where the Governor was holding court, just within his periphery. 

“Now, try to look like you enjoy dancing with me, Jack” Phyrne whispered, and caught his gaze as they swayed. 

“Who said I wasn’t enjoying myself?” He replied, and she raised one delicate eyebrow. 

“It’s key that the Governor thinks that you’re properly escorting me” She said.

“And why’s that?” He said, sending her out into a spin. 

“Because-” She began, and then suddenly, “Quick, dip me towards him”

He dipped her, and as if on cute, the song ended with a flourish and the Governor boomed, 

“Do my eyes deceive me, or is that the Honorable Phyrne Fisher?”

“Arthur!” Phryne crooned, straightening up, “How are you?”

Arthur? Jack thought. Phyrne had failed to mention she was on a first-name basis with him.

The Governor took Phryne’s hand in his gloved one and kissed it. 

“All the better for seeing you, Phyrne” Wayland said, 

“Arthur, I’m sure you’ve met my escort for the evening, Inspector Jack Robinson”

“Ah, Inspector!” Wayalnd said, teasingly, “I hardly recognized you without your coat and badge”

They shook hands, and Jack managed a weak chuckle, “Marvelous party you’ve thrown, Governor.”

“Isn’t it just?” Wayland said proudly, surveying his handiwork, “I’m quite surprised you've taken the night off to enjoy yourself, Jack!”

“He insisted” Phyrne cut in smoothly, taking Jack’s arm in hers in an intimate fashion, “He simply can’t resist a turn on the floor - especially with me.”

“Well, who could?” Wayland said with a jovial wink. 

“Does that mean you’ll honor me with a dance, Governor?” Phryne said cloyingly.

“Just try and stop me!” Wayland crowed, “Unless of course, the Inspector objects.”

“Not at all” Jack said, catching onto Phryne's plan in a flash, “I’ll just enjoy the view”

Sliding his hand onto her lower back, he planted a kiss lightly on her temple. For a brief moment he saw a flush of color in her cheeks, her eyes fluttering shut. But then the moment was gone - her patented charming smile was directed squarely at the Governor as he led her onto the dance floor.

He wasn’t lying - he did at least enjoy the view of her from afar (even if it meant relinquishing her into Governor Wayland’s meaty paws). He grabbed another glass of champagne just to have something to do with his hands, watching them whispering to each other on the floor, and tried his best to look collected.

“Robinson!” Wayland said when they returned, “Phryne tells me you took down the McPherson wrestling racket today!”

“Well, I can’t take all the credit...” Jack said, glancing at Phryne. 

“He’s simply too modest,” Phyrne said, reassuming her place on his arm, “He’s the hardest working man on the continent. Second only to you of course, Arthur.”

Wayland stroked his chest proudly, “Well, you’ve certainly done me quite a few favors lately, haven’t you Robinson? I heard you’re also the man who patched up the incident at the Airforce Base.”

“Simply doing my duty, sir” Jack said. 

“Most impressive - and even more so, to be the chap who finally managed to tie down our Phryne!” He chuckled.

“Oh you know me, Arthur. I much prefer being tied up.” Phryne said coyly, and Jack let out a quiet, but noticeably pained exhale. 

“I’d never thought I’d see the day Miss Phyrne Fisher was engaged to be married - and to a working man no less!”

Jack flinched, and she squeezed his arm tightly, as if to say, Don’t say a word.

“Not so loud!” Phryne hissed slyly, leaning closer, “Why, Arthur, you’re the first to know!”

He clutched his heart, “I’m touched, Phryne.”

“We’re keeping it our little secret at the moment, but I couldn’t resist telling you, Arthur. You were my first sweetheart after all.”

Jack was struck absolutely dumb. Wayland clapped his hands around both their shoulders and pulled them close. 

“Your secret is safe with me. But I must insist that when the time comes, I’ll be the one to host your engagement party. I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Oh Arthur, you’re too generous” Phryne said, and kissed him earnestly on the cheek. 

“Now Robinson,” Wayland said, grasping his hand, “You come to my office next week and we’ll discuss the annual financials for your precinct. I want to make sure you can take good care of our Miss Fisher - and get her a proper ring!”

“Uh, yes sir, absolutely, sir.” Jack managed hoarsely, and shook the Governor's hand.

“Now if you two lovebirds will excuse me, I have many people yet to see!” He kissed Phyrne’s hand again, and bid them both goodnight.

“Goodnight Arthur” Phyrne said sweetly, and he disappeared into the awaiting crowd.

Phyrne turned towards Jack expectantly. “I think that went rather well, don’t you?”

She saw the muscles in his jaw clench as he glowered down at her. 

“Outside, Miss Fisher.” He said, “Now.”

He turned and headed straight for the garden.

“I thought you’d be pleased, Jack!” She said, catching up to his stride. “I’ve just laid the groundwork for you. You heard what he said, he wants to meet with you next week!”

“Making introductions is one thing Miss Fisher, but this charade of yours went much too far” Jack barked. “What you’ve laid the groundwork for is the end of my career!”

“What?” She spluttered in shock.

“Did you ever stop to consider the repercussions of your little pantomime? Yes, of course, I should be tickled pink that he’s taken such a shine to me. He’s finally taken notice of all that I’ve done for the city thanks to you. But, now what? You’d honestly let him think we’re engaged? What about our engagement party, which he’ll never host? What about the wedding that will never come? He’ll discover I’m a liar and therefore a cheat, or simply a cad! When we’re forced to “break things off,” to end the charade - of course, he’ll assume it was my fault, and he’d never stand by the man who broke your heart. He’ll have me thrown out of the force. And then what good will it have done?”

Phryne’s heart dropped. Jack was right, she hadn’t been thinking. She’d been utterly careless. She sank down onto a nearby bench, avoiding his gaze. For the first time all night, she couldn’t find the words. 

“I’m sorry, Jack.” She said quietly.

“And you - you of all people should know better than to toy with my affections like this.” He blurted out suddenly. 

She stared up at him, her dark eyes wide. 

He was too distraught, too exhausted to himself from going on.

“You know the depth of my feelings for you, Miss Fisher. You know I’d give my life to marry you. And yet you still forced me to play the role of your lovestruck fiance for the sake of Arthur Wayland, knowing that at the end of the night, it would all have been a charade.” His voice was hoarse and thick with emotion, “I never thought you’d be so callous as to give me a taste of my one desire, only to take it away again.”

He wrestled out of his jacket and tie, his jaw clenched tightly as he stared out at the dark grounds beyond. Phryne felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes, her hands trembling in her lap. She knew what she needed to do, and it terrified her.

“Well then” She said, shakily, “Jack, will you marry me?”

“Don’t” He grimaced, “Don’t you dare.”

“Jack” She was standing now, “Will you marry me?”

“Why must you insist on teasing me, Miss Fisher” He said, keeping his eyes on the horizon.

“I wouldn’t dream to.” She said, moving towards him.

She reached out to touch his hand, and though he pulled it away she pressed on. 

“Jack Robinson, I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you.” She said, the tears in her eyes falling swiftly now. “And you’re right. I was careless. I took your love for granted but now I see that to lose you would be the worst mistake of my life.”

He took a deep breath, his exhale trembling. This time, when she reached out, he let her touch him - she traced the line of his jaw and held his cheek in her palm, turning his face towards her.

“I love you Jack. I’m thoroughly and completely in love with you. But I’m terrified” She faltered, “To give myself to someone entirely has always terrified me. I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to get hurt.” He took her hand in his and pressed it to his chest.

“I don’t want to own you, Phyrne. I don’t want to consume you.” He whispered, “I don’t ever want you to be afraid.”

She nodded fervently, and he reached out to wipe the tears from her eyes. 

“We don’t have to get married.” He insisted, “You have my heart. You always will. All I need is to know...if I have yours.”

Her face bloomed with her widest, brightest smile.

“You have my heart, Jack. You always did.”

In the space of an instant, he swept her into his arms, kissing her with a passion more tremendous than either one of them expected. It made Phyrne’s stomach drop to her ankles and made her knees weak. This was nothing like the one frantic kiss they’d shared before. She felt the full force of Jack’s feelings in every inch of her body and if he hadn’t been holding her so tightly she felt there was a good chance she might have fainted.

Finally being able to hold Phyrne, to kiss her, to know that she reciprocated the feelings he’d been stifling for months and months since they met, that he might even marry her, made Jack feel positively invincible. He could have stood there in that garden for hours, days even, content to do nothing but kiss her - Wayland and the rest of the party-goers be damned. 

“Jack” Phyrne managed between kisses, her voice hoarse and husky. 

“Phryne” He echoed back, turning his attention to her neck, trailing kisses down her jawline. She tried to stay focused, despite the shivers that went running down her spine. 

“Jack, unless you’re prepared to make a genuine spectacle of yourself in this garden, I think we need to call Bert.”  
He was jolted back to reality, and suddenly took notice of the many guests that had been peering out from the ballroom to bear witness to their romantic interlude. 

“Right. Good idea.” He said, and tried to hide the blush blooming across his face. 

The silence in the car ride home was different - thicker, heavier. Bert kept glancing in the rear-view mirror at them, somewhat expectantly, trying to read their expressions. It took all of Phyrne’s might not to pounce on Jack in the backseat and kiss him senseless, Bert be damned. But instead she kept her eyes on the window, trying not to smile when she felt Jack’s eyes on her, or when he stroked her hand in the dark. 

Once Bert had dropped them on the steps of the house, and turned the corner to park in the back garden, Jack wrapped his arms around Phryne once more, and kissed her temple, then her cheek, and then her lips. 

“Goodnight Miss Fisher” He whispered in her ear. 

“Goodnight?” She said, “Don’t tease me, Jack.”

“Tonight’s proposal of marriage aside, Phryne, I think you and I ought to take things slow” He replied.

“All evidence to the contrary, my dear” She said, leaning in closer. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you inside with a nightcap? Or perhaps, a bath?”

_______

Thanks for reading the first piece of fanfiction I've written since probably 2009!! And my first ever fanfic to post on AO3!!!

xxx


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